I. Yaoguai
"Three coppers to buy a prolonged life! Is there any better deal than this in the world?"
"But even for three coppers, I..."
Seeing the hesitant look on the man's face, I couldn't help but sigh and lean on the boxes beside me.
"Then let me tell you a story."
"...Tyro looked out at the ground covered with coins, and his eyes lit up like beacons. He instantly put the old crone who had told him about this treasure trove in the back of his mind and busied himself with filling a sack with the money. Just then, a fell wind blew, forcing Tyro to clench his eyes shut. When he opened them again, the sack full of coins was gone!"
When I reached that point in the story, a gust of wind really did blow down the street, blowing the golden-green leaves that had settled on the torii gate and sending them twirling into my arms, or onto the head of a little kid who at some point showed up to listen to the story.
"Tyro splayed himself out on the ground searching for coins like a dog, when he suddenly saw a pair of feet appear before him. Then a hoary old voice sounded overhead, asking him whether or not he'd forgotten something. Tyro, not wanting to pay this person any mind, lifted a hand to push them away, but then he heard a thunking sound..."
"And then what?"
"And then something big and round fell in front of him..."
My legs were falling asleep from sitting cross-legged, so I rubbed on them as I leaned out from under the shade of the tree.
"You forgot me!"
"Aaaaaah—! Yaoguaaaiii—!"
"Hahahahahaha...."
As I watched those two figures, one big and one small, scurrying away, I couldn't help but laugh. My mask slipped off my face as I did, burying itself in the crisp pile of leaves.
"Ah... That truly is the perfect snack to go along with a drink!"
I took out a bottle of wine from a crate, reminiscing about their scared faces just now as I smacked my lips enjoying the taste of the wine.
"Why do you want to scare people?"
Huh?
Turning the direction of the voice, I saw down the slope an exceedingly festive and chubby little kid staring at me with big, round eyes.
"Kid, why did you run? Not scared?"
"Scaring people isn't good."
Well, well. A very bold pronouncement on right and wrong from such a young kid...
I eyed him curiously.
"How is it not good?"
I fell face up in a bed of fallen leaves, splashing ice cold wine over my face in the process. Brisk and refreshing.
"If they believe in goblins and monsters, then they'll also believe in reincarnation. I'm providing the solace of a life in the hereafter for those that greedily cling to life. What's not good about that?"
The little kid muttered to himself upon hearing that and made a face that said although he couldn't top my argument, he still wasn't convinced.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw those pudgy little legs trudging through the brush and the muddy earth. With a laugh, a downed the bottle of wine and fell asleep under the shade of the tree.
All throughout the shrine was serene and cool. Whether it was the breeze blowing the leaves or the shadows cast by the sun, it was all like some old, yet still potent lullaby lulling me into a deep, sound sleep.
"Poppa! Momma!"
A gut-wrenching scream exploded next to my ear. For a confused moment, I was under the illusion that I was in some circle of hell.
I lazily cracked open an eye and saw a pair of chubby legs kicking and swinging wildly in the air with equal parts fury and fear. Meanwhile, a group of kids that practically had the words "bad guy" written on their foreheads were sneering at the kid's sloppy martial arts display.
My, my, my... this really is...
I snatched up a leaf from the ground and applied some force to the stem, sending it hurtling through the void and sticking it into that stout hunk of meat.
As a squeal went up like a wild pig accidentally falling into a frying pan, I got up and sauntered toward it.
"Bullying the weak and disturbing people's sleep is really... not a good thing to do."
Their beady eyes were rooted to my figure with a look of fear.
As I assessed the situation, I let out a laugh of pure joy.
"Fellas, can I trouble you all to go stir up trouble somewhere else?"
The child hid in the arms of his parents. He watched those ruffians run off in a panic, then looked at the leaf next to his foot without any lessening of fear in his eyes.
"Is it... a weapon...?"
"No."
I passed a hand over the leaf on the ground, then with a turn of my wrist, the swath of green before us turned into a pile of golden yellow.
"Woah! Money! S-s-so much money... What manner of deity are you anyway?!"
The looks of flustered joy on this family's faces sent me in raptures.
And so I squatted down in front of them and cocked my head with a big grin, saying:
"I'm a Yaoguai, of course."
II. Good & Bad
"So does that medicine really prolong life?"
"No, it's fake."
"Huh?"
The child's chin sprung up from its resting place on my leg as he shot me a chiding look.
"However, it's not totally fake..."
As I pinched the kid's cherubic cheeks with one hand, I picked up a medicine bottle with the other and poured it down his throat.
"It's mixed with loads of healthy supplements, which humans certainly could stand to have more of."
"*Cough-cough-cough-cough*... Conman!"
"Who am I conning? If you can live one moment longer, then that's a prolonged life! And besides, isn't three coppers for a little happiness and peace of mind worth it?"
"B-but..."
The kid hemmed and hawed for a while, but he could never come up with any counterargument, so he puffed his cheeks out in anger.
I couldn't resist poking at his puffy cheek, but I ended up poking out a piggish squeal that had me rolling in the leaves with laughter.
He got red in the face and swelled with anger, finally mustering the courage to ask me:
"Are you really a yaoguai?"
"No."
"Huh?"
"Fooled you."
"Huh?!"
Sigh...
You see. No matter if I say yes or no, you don't believe me either way.
When you get down to it, have humans ever actually believed anyone else?
They only believe themselves.
The little kid stared in a daze at me for ages, finally trotting off with his unshakeable beliefs.
I lay back down in a pile of leaves out of boredom, watching the clouds drift along in the sky like red koi before drifting off to sleep myself.
In the middle of the night, a rustling sound woke me up.
From the sound, I could discern it was about a dozen people. I didn't move a muscle as I thought about just what they could be up to.
"Are you for real? I never heard that yaoguai sleep that soundly..."
...
"Ahem, I'm awake."
The person nearest me jumped up in fright, and his hand holding a torch shook, nearly dropping embers right on my head and scorching every blade of grass.
I twisted my wrist bound tightly by a string, and using the light in his hand, I scanned the group before me.
"You told them?"
Those big, round eyes batted open and shut, glowing and dimming, but they didn't not deny it.
"Yaoguai... hurt people... They're bad..."
"And they've gotta be gotten rid of!"
The young man behind me finished the boy's sentence for him, then lifted his hands to decapitate me.
"Hang on!"
Those two words were enough to stay the axe above my head.
Turning toward the voice, I saw that kid's father, the man I'd saved a few days prior from those ruffians.
"He can use his demon magic to turn tree leaves into money!"
So that's all I had to say...
With those words, all those pairs of eyes lit up like flames, one after the other.
I couldn't help but laugh, and then under their watchful eyes, I conjured up a swathe of gold and silver and copper coins.
"I guess we can't just let him die like this then."
That's what I heard one of them say.
"You can't make anymore? What's the deal?!"
"That's what I'm trying to tell you..."
I plopped down on the ground, shaking a half-empty wine cup in my hand.
"The same way you all need a rest after a day's work, I am not some metal machine either. I need my rest too."
"Don't play games with us! Make some more money for me right now!"
I shot a look at this person through my lowered eyelids and let out a sigh, resignedly sitting up straight.
"Then do me a favor and go find some wood."
"Wood?"
"My magic is running thin now. Leaves aren't working, so I need to switch to wood."
My guard shot me a dubious glance, then turned and told this information to the villager outside the hut. And so, half the village went trudging off up the mountain to gather wood.
With a little peace and quiet now, I went over to the haystack and started organizing all the little toys I had in my crate.
In not much time, there was wood stacked up all around me, so much that I couldn't help but wonder if they'd logged the whole mountain bare.
As before, I turned the wood into gold and silver, one by one; but this time after transforming a few, I lowered my head with a sigh.
"It's no use. The wood's not working now either."
"You! Are you messing with us?!"
I pointed at the coins mixed in among the wood and mustered up a pitiable expression, saying:
"Look at how weak my magic has gotten! Would I dare try to trick you all?"
"...You really can't make any more?"
I saw a flash of silver out of the corner of my eye, but before that axe hung over my head again, I rubbed my chin and said in a measured tone:
"It's not impossible, per se, it's just..."
"It's just what?"
"If the wood's not working anymore, then the only thing left to use is little children."
III. Failure
The hog-tied little kid was thrown at my feet, his once cheerful little face now all bleak, as pale as if he'd opened up the jade box in the Dragon Palace.
"Are you all sure you want to exchange a human life for some money?"
"Stop wasting your breath and get to work!"
Outside the hut, I could faintly hear the sound of a woman crying. I closed my eyes and shook my head.
"Then you all had better go out, unless you want to have nightmares every night."
Hearing this, the villagers hurried out of the hut as if they'd be the ones getting transformed into money if they stayed behind for one more second.
I closed the door, then turned around and smiled at the little kid.
"Don't be scared. This will be over soon."
About fifteen minutes later, I opened the door again.
The men outside the door wiped at the corners of their eyes with their sleeves, hanging around the door frame and hesitating about whether or not to go in.
"Come in."
"...Wh-where's the money?"
Copying the man's expression, I made my eyes wide too.
"There's no money!"
"Bastard! You said you'd turn him into money!!!"
"But I didn't say it would definitely work. And lo and behold, it failed."
The people looked at my outstretched hands, then at the empty room, and finally back and forth at each other.
"Then... what about the child? Where's my child?"
The mother, who had finally broken through the crowd, was all red and puffy-eyed. She rushed forward, grasping at my lapels like a drowning victim grasping a piece of driftwood.
"It failed, so naturally the child is gone."
Having been struck with that thunderbolt, she finally crumpled to the ground in great, heaving sobs.
"That's exactly why I asked you all if you were sure you wanted to exchange a human life for money."
The villagers looked at my smiling face and shivered as if they'd taken chill, or as if they weren't the ones who had hog-tied that boy and thrown him to me.
"Oh no! Not good! That money all changed to leaves!"
The faces of the villagers turned a deathly ashen white, as if the very sky was falling around them.
"You... you!"
"What are you all so mad about? Weren't they just leaves to begin with?"
Those angry yet frightened faces tickled me so that I couldn't help but keep adding oil to the fire, curious if I might be able to see even more amusing ones.
"Who would be so foolish to believe leaves can turn into money, and then even kill a child over it! Hahahaha, too, too funny..."
"Yaoguai! Yaoguai!!!"
"Aww, didn't I already tell you as much ages ago?"
"Kill him! Avenge my son!"
"Sigh—I'm not the only one responsible for your son."
"Murderers—You are all murderers!!!!! You're the ones that got my son killed!!!"
The crowd fell into a turmoil.
But fair enough. Anyone would be hard-pressed to keep their composure when accusations of murder start getting thrown around, and everyone is implicated.
Caught in the middle of the riot, I was laughing so hard I almost cracked a rib when I was suddenly shoved from behind and sent crashing forward...
"Aaah—!"
A loud yelp brought the commotion to a grinding halt.
I looked casually in the direction of the sound and saw that little face, filled with tears, poke itself out from the haystack. Those tears had washed whatever joy used to be there clean away.
A meaty pair of hands waved around in a panic, going to press on my bleeding neck only to get pulled back as if afraid of being scalded.
The villagers, finally realizing what was going on, hugged this child they thought they'd lost with painful sobs and also tossed aside their bloody blades in a panic...
"It wasn't me! He ran into it himself!"
The group circled around me, but no one dared step forward, as if they'd turn to ash if they so much as touched me.
Meanwhile, I was splayed on the floor looking out at the puddle of gore around me and suddenly felt a bit cold.
I discreetly tugged on the bottom of the kid's pant leg, and with great effort I brought my face close to that meatball of a face.
"Good?"
"Huh?"
"You said... I'm bad... so, you all... must be good, right?"
The meatball looked like he'd been hurled from his bowl onto the floor, splatting into a pile of slush. He was utterly distraught, like a drowned rat.
Amusing.
I closed my eyes contentedly.
IV. Teasing
"*Cough-cough*... Ow..."
Ever since I crawled out of the ground, I haven't been able to shake this cough.
This group doesn't seem to care about their work that much usually, but when it comes to sharpening knives, they're downright industrious... and quite painful, I might add.
After dusting the dirt off, I clapped a hand over my neck, then turned to pull out that crate still buried in the ground.
I couldn't wait for them to open the crate, and I carefully checked that everything was there. Looks like these villagers had such guilty consciences that they didn't even have the guts to rummage through my things.
But I did have to hand it to them: I was originally just going to toy with them a bit. Who knew they'd actually push things this far, even offering up a "human sacrifice" to satisfy their greed?
So this is humanity?
Then I feel lucky to be a yaoguai.
Stifling a laugh, I sifted through the crate to get a medicinal paste. Just as I was about to take care of the wound on my neck, I suddenly heard the sound of hurried footsteps.
"What are you running for?! Hey! I found it first!!"
"...It's right nearby."
"I don't need you to tell me! I already knew that!"
The sounds of bickering drew closer, clearing heading this way; and the subject of their conversation... seemed to be me...
I rubbed my neck and felt a little unsure of myself.
If I had to tussle with someone right now, there's no guarantee I'd prevail...
I guess I'd just have to reach into my bag of tricks!
I fished some valuable little toys out of the crate and tucked them under my arm, then kicked over the crate in one smooth motion, as if I'd practiced it a thousand times.
I held my breath and fixed my eyes, then pulled my ace in the hole: I leaned backward and—
—played dead.
...
"There's someone there! Ugh... what a reek of blood! He's wounded!"
"His luggage has been ransacked. Maybe it was a thief."
"...Better carry him back to the shrine first."
My crate... don't forget my crate...
"I'll carry him. You take the box."
"Don't boss me around! Woah!"
"What?"
"Nothing. I just slipped on a stupid bottle, that's all. Let's go!"
My precious...
"Huh? So this is where you two disappeared to? Going tanuki hunting?"
Someone wreathed in a flowery wine aroma drifted near. The hot and cold breath turned a circle around me, finally settling near my neck, chilling me so that my hair stood on end.
"I got a bloodstain on me."
Oh my, it was that young man who said he'd carry me.
"Udon, what do you have?"
Before I had a chance to breathe a sigh of relief, another voice spoke up. Compared to that ghostly person just now, this voice was colder and haughtier.
"Master Inari! I found this... next to this one's body!"
Master Inari? Inari... This wouldn't happen to be the Inari Shrine enveloped so securely behind that strange magic barrier?
I furtively cracked open my eyes and blurrily saw that person sitting under a covered corridor open my crate. His slender index finger caressed over the bottles and vials within, suddenly stopping on one. With a pinch, he scooped out a small bottle of white porcelain.
Oh no! I can't believe I'd forgotten that!
As I watched that rare, fine wine that even I had been carefully saving now get poured into two cups, I gnashed my teeth and started kicking myself inwardly.
"Since you're awake, you might as well come have a chat."
That jade visage as bright as the moon suddenly bloomed in a resplendent smile, scaring me into squeezing my eyes shut again.
Oh no, oh no. This...
...is not good.
V. Tanuki Soba
"What do you think?"
"Yes... interesting."
"Then shall I go get the little fox?"
"Very well."
Tanuki Soba sauntered out of the room with his hands held at his chest.
Inarizushi quietly counted to three, and as expected heard the familiar sound of bickering.
"Isn't this... girl's clothing?!!!"
"Aw, c'mon, Little Fox. What are you so shocked for? Haven't you worn it plenty of times while waiting on Master?"
"That was for Master to wear!!! Not for me!!!"
"Eh? What's with the shouting~?"
"Stinking tanuki! Get lost!!!"
After expertly dodging Kitsune Udon's flying blade, Tanuki Soba's gaze lingered over the blade stuck into the wall for a moment, then the sharp glint in his eyes softened to a watery consistency.
"Get lost? So, that's the response I'll deliver to Master then?"
"Master Inari? W-wait!"
The little fox scurried out like an arrow off a string, steadying himself when he reached the doorway and then deferentially closed the door.
Tanuki Soba, fully expecting this result, paid him no more mind and, brimming with a smile, prepared to go out.
"How about it? I didn't lie to you, did I? You just stick on this paper, and that fox spirit will revive in a new body and stay in the mortal world."
"You're right, you're right. You really know your stuff, Great Sage! This has been a real eye-opener for me!"
Tanuki Soba looked into the man's muddy eyes, and his tone dipped down a few gloomy octaves.
"It is a shame though that the missus couldn't enjoy her golden years and shuffled off this mortal coil so unexpectedly, and then had her body possessed. It truly is..."
"Aw, it's not that much of a pity. Now that ugly old crone is dead, she can turn into a beautiful woman and be with me! She should count herself lucky!"
"...But you're not afraid of the fox spirit harming you?"
"Hahahaha, if that's the way I go, then I'll die a happy man!"
"Very well. Then, can you pay in full now?"
"Right, right, right. Here's the remainder. Thanks a bunch!"
Tanuki Soba took the money and was about to get up to say goodbye when the man tugged on his sleeve.
"She really won't change back, right? After the old crone died, she looked pretty gruesome..."
Tanuki Soba looked into the man's despicable face and smiled kindly.
"Of course."
And so, this man who had spent half of his estate in the red light district now bid an appreciative farewell to Tanuki Soba, who had bilked him out of the other half of his estate.
He thought that this way, he really could transform his first wife—whom he had hounded to an early grave—into the beauty that he'd barely caught a passing glimpse of the night before, to then be his companion.
Thinking of the gleeful way the man skipped into the room, Tanuki Soba's eyes crinkled up into two new moons.
Who knew what amusing look the man would have on his face when he pulled back the covers and saw that black and blue corpse?
"Do you never have a pang of conscience when you trick people like this?"
Kitsune Udon, wearing makeup, popped out from behind him. His tone was discontented, and no wonder: last night and early this morning, pretending to be some world-class beauty for this man must not have been a very pleasant experience.
Tanuki Soba pinched his palm to try to suppress the laughter that was bubbling up within him.
"That man didn't feel bad offing his wife, so why should I torture myself? Wouldn't you say, little fox?"
"Don't call me little fox! Hmph. If it wasn't for Master Inari, I would say anything to you at all."
"Your dress is really pretty."
"Shut your yap! You stinking tanuki!"
After bickering all the way back, when they got close to Inari Mountain, Tanuki Soba suddenly halted his step.
These days, Inari Shrine was no longer a place that accepted all comers. Anyone with ill intentions or a dishonest heart was screened out by Kitsune Udon's ward.
But, money must still be made.
Therefore, Tanuki Soba set up a little shrine at the foot of the mountain: a few fancy stones stacked on top of each other and a donation box. Every day, it would bring in a few coppers, which was just enough to offset the destruction that Aburaage and those other little devils would regularly wreak.
He scrutinized the wooden prayer placards tied up in the tree, then made a puzzled grunt which drew Kitsune Udon's gaze.
"What?"
"Hm... Recently there haven't been many placards."
Tanuki Soba craned his head to look at the donation box, and the smile on his face widened.
"But the money's still coming in."
The village nearby is booming. Maybe they don't have any wishes they need to make now."
"Nearby village?"
"Don't know why, but they just upped their game suddenly and seem to have made a pretty penny. Oh, it's the village where me and Mackerel found you in... Aaahhh! That reminds me, I've got a bone to pick with you! Why were you so lazy I had to carry you? You stinking tanuki! You just had to squeeze yourself into our foxhole!!!"
With his height advantage, Tanuki Soba effortlessly ignored the resentful protests of Kitsune Udon with his head held high. Rubbing his chin and laughing to himself, he walked on up the mountain.
My, my. Looks like all the effort I put into playing that part really paid off.
"Tanuki~"
Tanuki Soba looked up at the charming and graceful youth leaning on the torii gate. He gave a slight nod and flashed a smile that was neither too humble nor too proud.
"Master."
Daiginjo hid in the shadows, the smile on his face suddenly flashing brighter.
"Still have some of that wine from last time?"
"I know you like it, Master, so I have some saved."
"Oh? Going to try to con me into buying some more useless stuff again?"
"Oh my, I would never dare con you, good sir. And besides..."
Tanuki Soba lifted his head. His smiling eyes seemed like he wouldn't harm a fly. There might be no sincerity to be found there, but one couldn't discern any mendacity either.
"In business, trust and a smile are of the utmost importance~"